Ways to Rekindle Your S*x Life after Child Birth

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Funmi Akingbade, a Punch romance columnist has penned down an interesting piece for boosting their s*x lives of women after childbirth.

Caring for new born babies takes a lot of time and can sap you of the energy you used to devote to your husband.

Reclaiming s*x life after child birth is a challenge most couples face. Although it is difficult, it is doable. The most important thing is to have some reasonable expectations of yourself and your body and you will get back into the s*xual swing.

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Many couples have asked me over and again how they can get the green light for s*x after having their baby. I need to say that before you start post-delivery s*x, make sure you do not have any postpartum vaginal discharge. Having s*x before the discharge stops can put you at risk of infection.

Most new mothers can resume s*x from the fourth day after delivery to the fourth week after delivery, regardless of whether they had a v*ginal delivery or a C/Section. Some women need a lot of stitches after childbirth and this can also put s*x on hold for a longer period.

Men must understand that it is not that s*x is totally forbidden after child birth but the lack of sleep smothers many new mothers’ s*x drive. And one of the biggest obstacles of resuming sexual activities is the overwhelming fatigue that accompanies the care for the newborn. For several months, most new born babies require feeding every two to three hours round the clock.  

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According to research, it has been estimated that 30 per cent of babies do not sleep at night and many cry all through the night. This demand and lack of sleep can cause new moms not only to lose sexual desire and sensation; it outrightly renders them powerless for s*xual craving and pleasure.

Then again, the irony of a new baby’s demand is that it also has its toll on the new father, which means lack of sleep also stifles the s*x drive of new fathers. But most new dads are still interested in s*x, even if they are tired. The point here is that men crave sex to help them feel emotionally close to their wives and also to relax. Most men can have s*x at a whim, while most wives need more than enough foreplay to become aroused.

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I usually tell married couples that one of the greatest, finest, unsurpassed and best s*x facilitator is good and timely communication between the couple. So, there is a need for the married couple to talk with and to each other if either of the spouse is so tired and it is affecting his/her sexual desire. In that regards, both of them could fashion out other ways they could get rest and later get in the mood for s*x. The wife could start by asking her spouse or any available relative to watch the baby so she could take a nap. Also, both of them could try to have s*x in the morning after they must have rested.

I also need to say this that after giving birth, the hormonal level of the woman changes a lot. As a matter of fact, the oestrogen levels decreases. This can cause lack of vagina lubrication, which may make s*x less pleasurable and even very painful. But the lubrication issues usually go away when the woman stops breast-feeding and also after the menstrual cycle begins again.  Aside from the low oestrogen, there can also be the increase supply of protactine hormones. This is the hormone that helps in breast feeding.

Many new mothers have reported cases of loneliness and feeling of sadness, anxiety and irritation after childbirth. When such feelings are not identified and dealt with, they do interfere with sexual desire and may even persist for longer than the couples can handle. As much as breast feeding is good for the baby and also good for the new mother to bond with her newborn, it may also get in the way of a couple’s s*x life. The act of constant nursing can make the breast feel tender, sore or hurtful. And with this experience, many women may not want to be touched there at all.

I usually tell married women that if they are worried and concerned about the leakage or tenderness, they should try wearing bra during s*x.

Also, the amount of energy spent in breast feeding and nursing a baby can make a new mum feel like a baby feeding machine and also make her feel emotionally unattractive and can even hinder s*xual feelings.

The truth remains that the body of a nursing mother changes inside and outside. But how a new mother feels about her new post-delivery body can have a very big impact on her feeling of s*xuality. Most women gain so much weight in a typical pregnancy and many women get lots of horrible stretch marks. A C-section can leave a scar formation and the episiotomy can make the v*gina look so unattractively funny. All these may make a woman think she cannot be ‘whole’ again and she may feel a bit sad about her body.

But I need to tell many new mothers that in reality, your husband is actually not viewing you the way you are viewing yourself. While you are devaluing yourself, he is actually adding much more value to you for the joy of making him a proud father and so on.

I would also say that you can still engage in some moderate exercises and also watch what you eat. Do not shy away from trying on new s*xy lingerie that can cover some new problematic areas.

Vagina delivery may have also over-stretched the v*gina walls, which can decrease friction and reduce sexual enjoyment. But it would take some kegel exercises and pelvic wall exercises to help here for the muscle tone to return to proper proportion.

It has also been discovered that lack of interest in s*x after having a new baby from either both the new mother and father could be more than just physical. There may be some issue going on in the relationship that may need to be examined. You both may need to ask yourselves, ‘what is making us uncomfortable with s*x?’

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A common feeling may actually be resentment at being stuck with the baby all alone at home by yourself, changing diapers, nursing and looking unattractive while your husband goes outside the house and spends time with friends. Or it may be the fact that the husband was present in the labour room at the birth of the baby and seeing the baby come out of the vaginal becomes an issue he can’t bring himself to agree with, making him to view the vagina as not the s*xy object he used to cherish again.

Finally, I always advocate for couples to try and explore all other alternatives. Please remember that s*x is not just about intercourse; s*x is also about pleasuring each other and there are many ways to do just that. Have you both considered oral s*x both for the man and the wife? How about manual stimulation or erotic massage for intimacy? Even if or when you are not feeling s*xual, you must try to connect with yourselves by kissing, hugging, holding hands or cuddling.

And if you will, please don’t ignore this – you both have to schedule s*x. The reason being that the first year with a newborn is very physically and emotionally demanding and many married couples may have to realise their s*x life may not be the same as it was before the baby arrived. However, most sexual issues women experience following childbirth improve within the same year.